June 17, 2025 | Interpersonal Insight
Stop Overexplaining
Don’t Crown the Court Jester
By Felecia Jacks
There comes a moment when telling your side
stops being healing
and starts being exhausting.
When you realize the truth doesn’t always need an audience,
And peace doesn’t require approval.
The peace is within you.
And only the devil sits in the details.
Telling becomes a temptation—
because we believe our version of the story might change someone’s mind,
soften someone’s heart,
Or finally open them up.
But if we’re being honest…
Think of someone you actually know.
Like your spouse.
I’m picturing mine right now.
We’ve let each other down.
We’ve walked through fire.
There have been moments that needed apologies—
But not performances.
We didn’t sit on trial.
We didn’t beg to be understood.
We didn’t weaponize silence
or make understanding a condition.
That’s the difference.
There’s a line between the people who are worth explaining yourself to
and the ones who never should’ve had that power in the first place.
And more often than not?
The ones worth explaining to
Don’t demand it.
Each time you choose to explain yourself to someone,
You put yourself on trial.
You become the defendant.
And in court, most defendants don’t take the stand.
There’s a reason for that.
Defending yourself already puts you under scrutiny—
exposed to twisted narratives, manipulative questions,
and people who weren’t listening to understand in the first place.
So just like you guard who you tell your secrets to,
be especially careful about who you defend yourself to.
Think about your life.
Think about who you’ve wasted your breath on.
Did their opinion actually change your path?
Did their judgment actually matter?
Because if someone doesn’t make a real impact,
They don’t get a vote.
Bottom line:
There’s a standard to be relevant.
So don’t bother crowning the court jester.
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