Matthew 18:20

Where Two or Three Are Watching Matthew 18:20

Matthew 18:20, Misused in the Age of Public Shame

“For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.” – Matthew 18:20

I came into my office to paint, and I couldn’t help but put the tips of my fingers on the surface of my voice again. Sometimes when I write, I don’t share it. It just stays here, on this blog. And I trust that the ones who need it will find it.

When I was little, a church bus used to pick us up.
You don’t see that much anymore.
But that’s how I got to church as a little girl.

As I got older, church came in and out of my life.
Marriage brought me back to it more consistently.
Before I had kids, I served in the nursery.
Later, I worked with youth.
Then three years into marriage, I had a baby—and stepped away from ministry.
But I stayed connected through Bible study.

The first book I ever studied? Matthew.
One of the most quoted verses in the faith community?

“Where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I with them.”

We use it to bring comfort. To spiritualize group prayer. To wrap God in a warm blanket and invite Him into whatever space we’re sitting in.
And I do believe He shows up when we need Him.

But Bible study doesn’t let you stop at one verse.
You have to read the whole chapter.
You have to sit with the context.

That verse?
It’s not about comfort.
It’s a manual for confronting sin.

Matthew 18:15–17 (ESV):

15 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.
16 But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses.
17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.”

Christians are all over Facebook, publicly proclaiming sin—louder than the kindergartners tattling in a classroom.
Only this isn’t a classroom.
Facebook isn’t a teacher.
It’s a bathroom wall.
Except we’re not even ashamed enough to sign our graffiti anonymously anymore.
We call them slut and sign it now.

Then we show up to church on Sunday, lift our hands in worship, and act like our colorful Facebook pages represent Jesus well.
But here’s the thing:

Jesus was clear about sin.
And He was also clear about how to handle it.

I didn’t do my first Bible study until I was 25.
But in the 12 years since, I’ve learned this:

• God doesn’t need your finger pointed.
• God doesn’t need your neighbors alerted.
• God needs your heart aligned.

Your words reflect your character.
And self-righteousness?
It’s its own kind of wickedness.

The Bible Is Clear (Even for Non-Seminary People Like Me):

• Confront in private: Have you written him a letter? Have you said, “I’m praying for your repentance”?
• If that fails, bring a witness: Not to humiliate, but to support accountability.
• Only then, as a last resort, restore at a public level.

If you had to wear every word you’ve spoken about someone on your sleeve,
Would you represent the Jesus who knelt beside the woman caught in adultery?
Would you represent the One who wrote in the dust while others picked up stones?

I don’t think most people are mean-spirited.
I think they compartmentalize.
They believe fighting for the underdog is noble.
And sometimes it is.

But not if it means ignoring Scripture.
Not if it means humiliating someone publicly before ever speaking to them privately.

And what if—
What if the so-called “underdog” still loves the villain in your story?

Does dragging someone by the collar into public shame restore a marriage?
Or does it just make you feel better about your own tainted heart?